Taking some time to decide what I want to do with this space has frankly done nothing to assuage the anger I've felt. The gamut of emotions has run from anger and fury to sadness and then finality and peace. Finding my mother's letter to me from 2013 reconfirmed why someone attempting to censor me... Continue Reading →
Writings
broken boundaries…
I have been writing online in some form for a decade and a half. For 5 of those years, I wrote what I was supposed to write, I toed the line like a good little christian. My dad was proud of what I wrote, I literally just regurgitated whatever he taught me. Although, I couldn't... Continue Reading →
to love & hate Octobers…
I both love and hate Octobers. For maybe the first time in almost 8 years I've lived in Colorado, we have actually gotten brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges as the foliage has changed with the season. I actually didn't take pictures of the fiery red and yellow trees I passed by at least twice a... Continue Reading →
shadow work & childhood trauma…
I've been talking about shadow work for yyyyyyears now. Like almost a decade? It is not a new concept for me, and I have been doing my own work for about as long too. I have watched quite a few people talk and talk about doing shadow work but then never actually dug deep enough... Continue Reading →
19 year cycles…
I was reading through a Pattern app update earlier, and it mentioned that I am currently in the middle of a repeated 19 year cycle. It talked about releasing the past and the things that have come up because of the past and this cycle bringing those old things back to the surface. When I... Continue Reading →
perrumpere noctis…
what are all of the adjectives for grief? my entire body feels numb today. The only area I am really feeling is my finger that I've definitely strained. But I am only feeling that because it twinges with pain whenever I reach to grab something or I tap the sore part against something else. lying... Continue Reading →
disappearing…
The grief feels extremely heavy tonight. It feels like I'm drowning and I want to just disappear. I want to disappear and maybe the pain would lessen or even maybe numb. I am feeling grief that's uncomfortably close to how I felt when phil and I were forced apart all those years ago. That feeling... Continue Reading →
the creeping shame…
We're now exactly two weeks away from Samhain/Halloween. The day I ritually observe as the beginning of the new year. It is the witches' new year, and my memories are being stirred as we approach, remembering and observing the things I have learned this year, and the things I have let go. I have long... Continue Reading →
monsters under the bed…
Content Warning: drugs, being drugged, r*pe, self harm, cutting After my post the other day on here, I sincerely thought it would be quite some time before I came back to write. Lo and behold, here I am - trying to release the cacophony of trauma and triggers in my head and heart and trying... Continue Reading →
Where Do I Belong?
It’s been a year; a year since we chose to uproot and move our family, a year since I lost friends I thought were “forever” friends, and a year since we entered into the chaotic space that still is this global pandemic. I do not feel like I have much to show for the past... Continue Reading →
Profligate Truth 