Let me tell you a story.
This story starts a decade and a half ago.
This story starts with a girl, watching her dad physically abuse her brothers. This story starts with the terror and pain of that little girl’s heart; the pain that started, even then, to rip her apart. The pain her siblings don’t understand, the pain they laughed at. Fast forward four years, and the reason for the father’s abuse comes to light. Oh, so he’s a porn addict, has been for decades, and then he had bought into the whole “father is the ultimate ruler” mindset, he is second to God, is the umbrella over the family. Combine the two, you get a manipulative, abusive man, who is so deep into denial he puts the blame on everyone else, and says “oh but God is working on my heart. it’s just so hard though.” oh spare her this sob story. She’s heard it all before, even inwardly laughed at it while her heart broke just a little bit more.
The brothers got the worst of the abuse. The cold, tight fingers closing around their necks, the demon possessed eyes burning into their terrified eyes. The sister stood by, sobbing silently asking a silent god why her siblings had to endure such grotesque treatment. She reached out to the elders of the local church, the church her family had attended for a while. But no one responded, no one heard or believed her. Not once did calling CPS seem like an option as she had heard all of her life that CPS were the demons, they were the ones who were going to rip families apart. Oh the cleverness of them! Turning the children towards their abusers by telling them the people who were sincerely there to help were actually there to harm them in the worst way possible; by ripping apart the family. Keeping the family face up and showing the outside world that nothing was wrong was so much more important than getting those kids help.
Fast forward another five years, and there she is, standing with a man she deeply loves, once again a heart torn in two, wondering, worrying if choosing him over family was the right decision. Well, the father made that easy for her by choosing his own image and to protect his “good” name over caring for his daughter. He kicked her out with nothing but the clothes on her back, no place to live, and three pieces of furniture she called her own. Then he spread the lies that she had left because she wanted to do what she wanted to do. Her heart broke completely, feeling utterly helpless to protect her siblings, but wanting to be with the man who made her feel as if it was possible to be whole again. The reason she got for being kicked out was because she was a bad influence on the very siblings she tried to protect and it was her fault that they were acting out.
Let me tell you a little something about this abuse. The abuse he delivers is subtle. It’s abuse of the mind, the physical body only when no marks would be left, and abuse of the delicate emotional beings young children hold within themselves. This abuse is so very subtle, one word from him would null ten thousand words from the child. Why? Because he had created a reputation of being an upright and godly man, a man whose children where suddenly being little devils who needed controlling. It was the children’s fault, not his, he didn’t know why they were acting so out of control. Oh, that’s right. It was the oldest daughter’s fault. But when asked about that, he would make himself the one who was the victim, and feign innocence. It is his fault that a child is in trouble with the law, it is his fault for the gas lighting, the manipulating, the constant berating of “you are worthless,” the consistent beat downs and never anything any good. The parents give up on the children who they no longer see as worth their time. Oh oops, you’re in trouble with the law? Well, they’re just going to call the cops instead of trying to be good, LOVING, NORMAL parents who are going to try to reach through the funk they created in their children. OH no, the boys get left behind, they ignore the children who “messed up,” those who stepped out of line get cut loose, almost, in fact, get excommunicated.
You poor, privileged, younger three. I deeply hope you get a different, better experience than the rest of us. Though, just be aware as soon as you mess up, as soon as you take a step out of line, those parents will no longer be there. you will no longer get the privileged treatment of being in their “good graces.” And yes, they are that petty, they so very quickly turn their backs on their own flesh and blood. It’s disgusting, it’s vile, it’s filth.
This abuse creeps into the child’s soul, twisting, and corrupting an innocent not of their own doing. So when she found out several siblings had started stealing, she immediately knew this was their way of acting out. Their way of showing the world they hadn’t been loved, they hadn’t been cared for. There’s a difference between providing for the physical needs of a child and providing the deeply needed love, care, and support emotionally, mentally, spiritually. When those are lacking, this behavior of out of control stealing, acting out, being the “Rebellious one” comes out to play.
The stealing was minimal, but it was enough to make the father begin to fashion their reputations; reputations of rebellious children, children who couldn’t be trusted all while continuing his subtle mind games of abuse. The aunts saw rebellious children, the parents at church associated the children with those who are bad, so very bad. Oh, he did his job so well, her name was tarnished, her words were weightless, and no one really actually believed things were as bad as she said they were. He is so accomplished at fashioning rude and lying reputations of the children he hates, those children run from the very people who are SUPPOSED to help. Why? Isn’t it obvious? His word, his name, his opinion outweighs the voice and cries of the helpless, the abused. All they see are his poor poor pitying self, and the victim he names himself while the real victims, the ones who really desperately need help are cut loose, cut off from receiving help.
She called CPS three times. She sobbed in her husband’s arms while she watched her siblings continue to deteriorate and her parents blame the children for the outcome of his abuse. Mind games, mind games, mind games.
She was made to feel crazy one of the few times she verbally talked back to the mother. “Our family is messed up, there is something really wrong with how things are!” To which the mother’s response was “no, so-so’s family is just like this. there is nothing wrong with our family, it’s normal.”
The brain washed brainwashing the awakening.
The story doesn’t end well. The story isn’t ended, but for the moment, the current climax of abuse caused behavior is a sibling in a bad spot and parents who give the appearance of believing they have no idea how it happened. Oh screw them, screw the people who brainwashed then abused the innocents! It is their fault this all has turned out the way it has. It is solely their fault for grooming their children to believe that abuse was normal and when she tried to help, tried to break through, she was only laughed out because the innocents were so sucked in.
The innocents became the guilty, and their brainwashing was merely turned back on them.